Diary of a book publication day

2rd September 2026

On this day my fifth psychological thriller The Secrets She Keeps was born into the world.

Before I became a published author I imagined that book publication days were like the one in Bridget Jones’ Diary where, at a star-studded publication party thrown by her publisher, our beloved Bridget misnames Mr Fitzherbert as Mr Titspervert and embarrasses herself in front of Salman Rushdie. In honour of this memory I present to you the diary of a real book publication day in the style of Bridget Jones, with apologies to Helen Fielding.

7.30am. Sugar intake: One ‘fun’ size Malteser packet. Amazon Kindle Store position: in the 800 thousands.

7.45am. Take meds and go back to sleep to try and CFS pace and bank some energy for this evening. Attempt to manifest a top 100 Amazon Kindle Store rating for The Secrets She Keeps.

10.00.am. Amazon Kindle Store position: can’t bear to look.

For once in my life I can’t sleep. Scroll through emails. Smile at congratulatory emails from various people at my publishers’. To celebrate my new book they’re giving me a tree! Worry it will die before Christmas and there’s no room in our garden to plant it, then realise the tree is virtual.

10.30am. Give in and look at Amazon Kindle Store on phone. Decide manifestation is a load of old phooey as chart position hasn’t changed. Distract myself by reading fab WhatsApp and text messages from friends and fellow authors.

11.00am. Use up loads of pre-banked energy stopping myself looking at Amazon Kindle Store position again.

11.30am. Mum rings to check plans for the evening. She’s planning to buy seven copies. Hurrah!

11.45am. Feel sad that my dad, who died in 2023, won’t be at the party. Remember when he came to the only other publishing party I’ve had, for Her New Best Friend in 2021, and how proud he was.

Want to eat more chocolate. Virtuously eat banana instead.

Noon: Nephew texts for the address of tonight’s party. Faff around on phone whilst avoiding Amazon Kindle Store like it would give me Covid-19.

12.45pm. Nearly slip in bathroom and grab sink to stay upright. Adrenaline kicks in. When you have brittle bones every slip could cause a fracture.

Too early for vodka to settle nerves?

1pm. Sugar intake: red velvet cupcake. Opened box I’ve ordered with cute book covers on for tonight’s book launch party. Obligatory munching is for quality control purposes of course.

1.10pm. Post arrives. Receive letter about hospital appointment :-(

Also receive congratulations card from a wonderful old friend :-)

1.20pm Text from my best friend arrives showing her diary entry from 1987. She’d written my birthday date in alongside the word’s ‘My best friend’. Feel loved.

1.30pm. Clip husband’s hair on request.

1.40pm. Clip husband’s hair again when he points out the bits I’ve missed.

2pm: Sugar intake: one recovered segment of chocolate orange I discover in foil whilst I’m sorting out the recycling.

3pm. My resolve breaks. Amazon Kindle Store ranking 836,592. Ponder whether to ring up Amazon to see if there’s a fault in its algorithm, but then remember that it’s impossible to ring up Amazon about any matter, ever.

3.30pm. Shower.

4pm. Mum and godmother arrive with a bunch of roses.

4.15pm. Sugar intake: a vanilla cupcake eaten purely for quality control purposes again. Had to check both flavours of cupcakes weren’t poisonous before give them to the general public.

4.30pm. Um and ah over which dress to wear. Pick a yellow one because it tones in with my book’s cover. Apply make up in attempt to resemble a 25-year-old ingenue. Feel daft for wanting to look half my age when I didn’t look like an ingenue when I actually was 25. Thank the universe that at least now I don’t have spots and I can afford a good hairdresser.

5.15pm. Mum tells me I look too pink and wipes some of my blusher off with a tissue.

5.18pm. Amazon Kindle Store position: 838,042.

5.20pm. Set off to Kenilworth Books.

5.40pm. Judy, Charlotte and Louise greet me. Thankfully none of the booksellers have names like Mr Fitzherbert that I could stumble over. There’ll be no Jeremy Hunts tonight on my watch.

5.55pm. People begin to arrive. Realise that because I’m in the middle of writing my next book I can’t remember some of the names in the one I’m promoting. Can I get away with calling them all Bob? Decide not. Hide behind a bookshelf to quickly look through my own copy and scribble key names down in surreptitious notebook.

Linda Mather and I

6.05pm. My marvellous interviewer for the evening, crime writer Linda Mather, introduces me to the audience, who are all sitting on chairs in the children’s section of the shop. I try to think of something funny to say. Ceiling doesn’t fall in. Start to relax and enjoy myself, as talking about books is one of my favourite things to do (along with eating cupcakes that have my own book cover on the top).

7.20pm. Interview and Q&A are over. Sign copies that people buy and am exceedingly grateful that some buyers are people I don’t know. Think at first that one is a neighbour, but realise she isn’t but can’t think for the life of me who she actually is so just smile, nod, thank her for coming and avoid any topic of conversation that would force me to admit I didn’t know who she was.

My husband buys the last copy left. It’s a sellout!

8.00pm. Help tidy up and we head off home. Mum and godmother drop us off and then leave.

8.18pm. Amazon Kindle Store position: 83,817. As they used to say in the sitcom Are You Being Served? - ‘Going up’.

8.30pm. Husband opens bottle of champagne, which has become a publication day ritual.

9.00pm. Eat toast and leftover grapes. Does joining in the ‘picky tea’ fashion make me on trend?

10.00pm. Laugh at the idea of a double cleanse and swish cleansing wipe over face instead.

10.15pm. Collapse into a sugar and champagne-fuelled heap in bed, thankful that the book launch party went well. Decide to try manifestation one more time …

Postscript

02.23am. Need the loo. Check Amazon Kindle Store position: 36,212.